


Shut Up and Try Again

by Vanamiya



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Blue Lions Route, Budding feelings, Canonical Character Death, Dancing, F/M, Pre-Time Skip, The Ball, and Rodrigue is there, chapter four has, post time skip in chapter 3, some minor background characters in chapter 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29045952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanamiya/pseuds/Vanamiya
Summary: At the start, Felix and Bernadetta work together to escape the ball. Afterwards, their story unfolds, told through different moments in their lives.Written for Felix Rarepair Week 2021 Day 5: Dance
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 19
Kudos: 34
Collections: Felix Rarepair Week 2021





	1. First Dance

**Author's Note:**

> This little story is mostly just some lighthearted fun that I came up with because the thought made me laugh. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Includes main story and also a little bonus chapter with the aftermath.

Felix hated the ball. It wasn’t even the ball itself that he hated, no, balls were dull and insufferable but so were many other things he had to put up with daily. It also wasn’t the swaying and twirling masses filling up the reception hall until it felt like you could take no step without crashing into someone. It wasn’t even Sylvain making an utter fool of himself while he tried and failed to make as many girls dance with him as possible. None of that was important enough to deserve his hate.

It was the pretense. People acting like nothing was wrong, merrily celebrating barely after the incident at Remire Village. Their enemies had revealed both that they had planted spies within the academy and that they would stop at nothing, even going so far as to using innocent lives for their sick experiments. Shouldn’t Garreg Mach be preparing? Shouldn’t they all be putting in extra hours at the training grounds while the knights worked to weed out any other potential rats?

No, of course not. Some irrelevant tradition was apparently more important. It was like this with nobles and the church both, so set in their ways and unable to give up on their little rituals and then, once they had a dagger in their back, they would act all surprised, as if the tragedy hadn’t been preventable.

Even the boar, who had been mumbling nothing but righteous drivel for days, had now put on his most charming smile and danced with anyone who asked. Watching it made Felix sick.

He wanted to get out of here, sooner rather than later. Every second that he stayed made his fingers itch to hold his sword. Not even the music could lull him into pausing and listening for a while, not with everyone around him setting his nerves alight. He was… not comfortable with crowds. Too many things could happen. The most successful assassinations had not happened in the middle of the night at the victim’s bed, they had happened out in the open, in a crowd.

Unfortunately for him, just a few minutes before this very moment the teachers had made it unmistakably clear that there was no getting away from this social event.

“Oh come now, don’t make such a sour face,” professor Manuela had had said while giving him a wink, “girls don’t like that, you know? Just go mingle and have fun.”

“As much as I hate to agree with Manuela, leaving so early would be a waste,” professor Hanneman had sighed. “To be perfectly honest, I would have preferred to use this evening for my research as well. But you are still young and you should enjoy that youth as long as you can. If you don’t, you might just end up regretting it once you reach my age.”

They both had left without listening to him make another argument for letting him slip away. The only one left, professor Byleth, had looked after them, then at him, those unnervingly empty eyes seemingly staring right into his core. It never got less unsettling, even if he would never say so aloud. Not to someone whose skills he respected this much.

“Dance at least once and I will let you go.” With that, she had also taken her leave to talk and possibly dance with the other students. Felix was alone with his thoughts.

He wasn’t happy about the condition but it was a way out. The only thing he needed to do now was to find someone to dance with.

The problem with that was that he didn’t want to dance, especially not with someone who would misinterpret his intentions. He didn’t want to socialize, he wanted the exact opposite. Perhaps, he realized, it would be best to find someone he could confide in. There had to be someone who was just as uncomfortable about this event as he was.

Felix stood at the sidelines of the dancefloor, near the buffet table. He let his eyes wander as inconspicuously as he managed, searching for a promising target.

Ingrid looked rather out of her element. Plus, she knew him well enough not to read anything into his actions. On the other hand, she was most likely too dutiful to try and ditch the ball with him. Worse even, she might start lecturing him about how he couldn’t run away from something he didn’t like whenever he pleased. Besides, things were still awkward between them after their most recent conversation. Ingrid he would have to avoid, that much was clear.

Turning his head the other way he spotted Leonie. She was not keen on dancing but she was happy to load up her plate with food. He doubted that he would have much success with her, either.

Most of the other girls seemed like they were enjoying the ball and the dancing except for that one girl from the Golden Deer whose name he couldn’t remember. She was currently talked to by the Gloucester heir and Felix would rather not get involved with that. Besides, he had never even spoken to her before.

He sighed. This was harder than originally thought. Perhaps professor Byleth had known and this was her way of mocking him? It was hard to believe but what else was there to think? Him, dancing. As if.

He was about to give up on his idea when his gaze was pulled to the furthest corner of the room. Someone was standing there, alone, pressing themself into the wall and almost fusing to the interior to become part of the background. Felix recognized the mop of purple hair. Oh, she was perfect.

Bernadetta looked about as uncomfortable as Felix felt. Judging by their past interactions she didn’t like him much but she would take any opportunity that let her hide away in her room. If she managed to get over her dislike for him in order to help him with his plan, they would both be able to leave. Afterwards she would be able to disappear into her room while he could get some more training in before the end of the ball.

Reaching her wasn’t easy. He had to dodge both the dancing students and the groups standing near the walls that were watching and talking and drinking that way too sweet champagne substitute. On his way he passed Ashe who wasn’t dancing but had a lively conversation with the exchange student from Brigid. He looked like he was about to try and include Felix into the conversation but he hurried past, not further acknowledging him. If he did, he would never get out of here.

As soon as Bernadetta noticed him making a beeline for her, she pressed herself even further into her corner and started mumbling something incoherent to herself as she often did.

Felix came to a halt right in front of her, placing a hand on his hip while he addressed her. “You.”

“Me?!” she squeaked. “Did I- did I do something to offend you and you have come end my life right in front of everyone to set an example? Is this your corner? I will vanish from your sight right this instant, I promise! Just don’t hurt me!”

After talking to her a few times – if those last attempts could be called that – he had started to expect these types of reactions from her. He still wasn’t quite sure if it was her way of telling him to get lost or if she was actually being serious and expected a threat of murder and violence behind every word someone else directed at her.

“Stop spouting nonsense, I don’t want your corner. I have a favor to ask of you.”

She scrunched her eyebrows together in a thoughtful and somewhat confused expression. “Of me? But what could little old Bernie do for you?”

Felix crossed his arms and turned his head so he was no longer looking Bernadetta in the eyes but could instead watch the dancefloor once more. The thought of going out there and dancing caused a sudden wave of revulsion but he would do it if it meant he could leave without repercussions.

“I was trying to excuse myself earlier but the teachers wouldn’t let me leave. That is, professor Byleth agreed to let me go if I dance at least once.”

“Dance? Where everyone can see? That sounds terrifying! I have no idea how other people can do it.” She paused for a moment and Felix hoped his hint would sink in. “...but what does that have to do with me?” No such luck. She was dense as a brick it seemed.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. This was too embarrassing a moment to look at her directly. Especially because he would have to spell it out for her.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m asking you to be my dance partner.”

There was no answer. Only when he actually turned his head back to take a good look at Bernadetta did he notice how spooked she looked, pale but gaining a hint of pink on her cheeks as if her face couldn’t quite decide what color it wanted to be. The corners of her mouth stretched into the most nervous and uncomfortable looking smile he had ever seen.

“Me? Dance? With you? That’s- I- Felix! I had no idea that you are such a jokester! First you ask me to teach you a technique I know nothing about and now you ask me to dance! And you always sound so serious, too, one could almost believe that you actually mean it!”

“I _am_ serious. You don’t want to be here as much as I don’t want to be be here or you wouldn’t be cowering in a corner like this. My plan is simple. We go somewhere where professor Byleth can see us, we dance once, and then we leave. I get to go to the training hall to practice in peace and you can go and do… whatever it is you do in your room.” That prospect had to be enticing enough for her, right? He really couldn’t ask anyone else at this point. Either she agreed or he would go back and talk to Ashe for the rest of the night.

Bernadetta’s gaze fell to the floor and she shuffled her feet awkwardly as if she was thinking of an answer but didn’t quite know how to word it. “I would like to leave. This event is a bit much for me. But… I’ve actually never been to a ball before. And the last dance lesson I had was years ago. I did so badly that my father gave up on me. He said it was a waste of his money to pay for an instructor if I didn’t manage to look graceful while dancing. He was…” – her voice hitched, as if she was afraid of her own wording – “very disappointed.”

Oh no. “But you do know how to dance?” Please say yes, he thought.

“I… think I remember? I step forward with my right foot – or was it backwards? – and, uh…”

Felix pinched the bridge of his nose. If anyone was joking, it had to be fate, throwing as many obstacles as possible in his way. He really should give up and go talk to someone else. Maybe he should pester professor Byleth until she took pity on him and let him go without dancing.

There was something that made him hesitate however. Perhaps it was because of the way Bernadetta had sounded when she had mentioned her father. Not that it was any of his business but it made him want to defy the man on principle and not give up on her like that.

He sighed but then offered Bernadetta his hand, palm upwards in the customary gesture to ask for a dance. “Just follow my lead. If we find a spot that isn’t too crowded you can brush up on the steps as we go.”

Felix wasn’t a good instructor or that much of a dancer to begin with. Of course he had had lessons and social events he had been forced to attend in the past. He wasn’t terrible but he also wasn’t particularly good. He knew the movements but was so focused being precise and conserving energy that he lacked grace. No to mention the fact that he couldn’t harmonize well with others. Any dance partner of his would have to conform to his ways. Still, it was a skill that could be trained and if he had an interest in it, there was no doubt that he could become better at it. He simply lacked that interest.

After what felt like an eternity, Bernadetta finally took his hand with a nod and meek little “okay”. They didn’t need to search long for a secluded spot, in fact they barely had to leave Bernadetta’s corner to have enough room. Most of the dancing pairs were occupying the middle of the ballroom, giving them ample space.

By now Bernadetta’s entire face had taken on a rosy hue and when he placed his hand on her torso right under her arm she became even more flushed and twitched as if human contact was completely foreign to her. Meanwhile, her hands were gripping his upper arm and his hand with a strength he wouldn’t have suspected to be hidden in that tiny body of hers. It was also completely unnecessary and actually hurt. Besides that, she was almost standing on his feet despite his attempt to get them into the proper position. Judging by the look on her face, she was about to panic again and he would have to intervene before she ran away screaming like she loved to do whenever something became too much for her. He honestly wasn’t quite sure why he was still trying to do this with her.

“Calm down. You’re too close and gripping he too tightly.”

Immediately she took a step back and loosened that death-grip of hers. “Sorry! It’s just, uhm, what if people stare at us? They will see me being an utter klutz and make fun of me behind my back. Oh, there goes Bernie with the two left feet, they will say.”

Felix definitely understood to a degree. He wasn’t particularly worried about people talking behind his back. If they didn’t want to end up at the sharp end of his sword they would do well to avoid gossiping about him. However, just like Bernadetta he also didn’t like being stared at. Unfortunately, for this one instance it was inevitable if he wanted professor Byleth to take notice. They would both have to bear with this for just a little while.

“Don’t think about it. Just focus on me.” He wasn’t sure if that would help her in any way but focusing on her was what he was planning to do. “Are you ready? Step backwards with your right foot, then a sidestep to the left, then forward with your right foot and a sidestep to the right.” If she had had dancing lessons before she should at least be familiar with the very basics and once she remembered in what direction she had to take each step, she should be fine. It didn’t matter what it looked like in the end.

Bernadetta nodded stiffly but there was some determination in her eyes. It was rare to see but Felix welcomed it.

The first few steps were… difficult. She remembered the directions but didn’t stay in tune with his movements, awkwardly adjusting each time her step was too short and following along just barely. He frowned and was about about to say something when she pulled away, clutching her own hands close to her body and looking at the floor again.

“I’m sorry, I bet you’re angry now, aren’t you? Bernie is just no good and now you can’t even leave, all because of me. It’s all Bernie’s fault. I should have known that this was a bad idea! Now you have to go look for someone else while I-”

“Will you shut up for a moment?” Despite the harsh tone in his voice, he wasn’t angry at Bernadetta. Her words from earlier echoed in his mind. About her father who had given up on her. Somehow, some of her strange behaviors made more sense now. And Felix, well, he was not about to give up, now that they had already started. “Just try again. Listen to the beat of the music and count to three in your head. Also, pay attention to what I’m doing. Look at our feet if you must.”

He wasn’t good at motivating people. He didn’t do gentle and patient. He knew that this had to come off as rather blunt and telling her to shut up could even be seen as rude. Still, after only a moment, Bernadetta did get back into position with him, ready to try again. That, at least, he could respect.

She did end up stepping on his feet. Not once, but several times. He decided not to comment on it this once because he did not want to disrupt their dance yet again. Interestingly enough, it did get better as the music progressed and they kept doing the same steps over and over again. If it was because she had gained confidence or because she finally remembered her dance lessons he didn’t know, not that it even mattered. She finally looked up at him again and if he wasn’t completely mistaken it almost seemed like she was having fun. The flush of her cheeks looked less like embarrassment now and she even smiled at him. A sight he found he didn’t hate.

Felix concluded that her father had been wrong, she wasn’t a hopeless case.

For a little while, the ball no longer existed. It was just Bernadetta and him, dancing in their little corner, away from the crowd. In a way it almost felt like training, keeping his mind and body busy. Perhaps he didn’t dislike it as much as he had initially thought.

“Oh, you have really long eyelashes.” Bernadetta’s voice was barely above a whisper but despite the music around them, Felix managed to catch her words, frowning at the suddenness of this comment.

“What?”

“Ah! Sorry, it’s just, you told me to focus on you and that’s what I noticed!”

Well, Bernadetta was still odd. But in a harmless way, he supposed.

When the song stopped, it felt like the spell was broken. The world around them came back into focus. Some of the students were leaving the dancefloor while others changed partners. Felix took a look around the room and found Byleth, standing at the buffet table. When she noticed him, she gave him a thumbs up. The sign he had been waiting for.

“Looks like we’re allowed to leave. Let’s go.”

Compared to the reception hall, the air outside was crisp and fresh and the moon shone brightly over the monastery, bathing it in pale light. They walked together in silence for a while until it looked like their ways would part, Felix heading to the training grounds to see if they were unlocked and Bernadetta heading straight to her room.

“Uhm, Felix?” She started, just as Felix was about to turn and leave.

“What is it?”

“I wanted to thank you. For dancing with me.”

“No need to thank me. I only did that so I could leave the stupid ball.”

She nodded. “I know. But you also helped me. Thanks to you I can spend the rest of the evening in my room. But, uh, you also helped me dance, despite” – she gestured at herself – “everything. I think for the first time in my life I actually had fun dancing.”

Felix no longer looked at her. “It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. It was… tolerable.” He was not going to say more about this topic. Absolutely not.

“Anyway, I do have to return to my little oasis of quiet now to process actually dancing in a room full of people. So, uh, good night Felix! You’re a lot less scary than I thought you are!”

And then she was gone, running the last few meters to her room before vanishing inside. Felix stared after her, wondering about her weird behavior yet again. Was that why she had always run away from him? Because she thought he was scary? Well, it had taken her long enough to find out that he wasn’t trying to hurt or murder her or whatever else it was she always imagined him plotting.

When he finally resumed his walk to the training grounds, he felt strangely light on his feet with the image of Bernadetta’s smile and her words of thanks towards him firmly etched into his mind. He wasn’t quite sure why that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only one who looks at the Pre-TS Felix model (not the portrait) during the supports and somehow always notices his eyelashes?


	2. Aftermath

When Felix arrived in class the next day, he barely had time to sit before Sylvain plopped down right next to him, invading his personal space without a care in the world.

“Sooo, Felix. Bernadetta, huh? Never would have guessed that she’s your type of all people. But it does explain why you never want to come pick up girls with me. You could have told me you already have your eyes on someone! I’m your best pal, aren’t I?”

Felix shot him a glare, hoping that it would make Sylvain back off. Not that that had ever worked before. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me. You were dancing with her.”

“So what? You were dancing with several women. Or rather, you tried to.”

“Hey, no need to hurt my fragile feelings by reminding me of that!” For some reason, Sylvain only leaned closer and Felix was leaning away before he realized that it now looked like he was afraid of that fool. “But that’s different. You **only** danced with Bernadetta and afterwards the two of you were suddenly gone. We all saw you and everyone was talking about it after you left with her. You can ask anyone, even his highness!”

Speaking of, as if it had been his cue, Dimitri entered the room. Just like Sylvain before him he made a beeline for Felix but at the very least he had the decency not to sit down next to him and get right up in his face.

“Good morning, Felix. May I speak with you for a moment?”

Sylvain gave him a told-you-so look and Felix rose from his seat, if only to escape his most meddlesome friend for a moment. Not that he imagined his talk with Dimitri was going to be any better. This day was turning into a headache for Felix faster than he cared for.

They left the classroom, standing a bit away where they had some semblance of privacy. Felix crossed his arms, waiting for Dimitri to start talking.

“I have been thinking. Bernadetta of house Varley is never outside of her room much. While I don’t mean to pry into other people’s affairs, it looks to me like she is an easily frightened individual. Perhaps the rather… intense nature of the Black Eagle house makes it even harder for her to connect with others?”

“Urgh, get to the point. What does that have to do with me?” Why was Dimitri wasting his time with this? Besides, Felix had a feeling that Bernadetta’s habits had less to do with her house and more with the conditions she grew up with. From what little he had heard it wasn’t hard to deduce that her father was the strict sort who had high expectations.

“Ah, of course. My apologies. I merely want to assure you that, should you want to invite Bernadetta to join the Blue Lions, you have my full support. I believe our classmates would welcome her with open arms.”

“Told you so!” Slyvain shouted in the distance, exposing himself as having eavesdropped on their conversation.

Somehow, hiding away like Bernadetta always did sounded a lot more enticing to Felix than it ever had before.  
  


* * *

  
Meanwhile, in the Black Eagle classroom, Bernadetta wasn’t faring much better.

Just as she entered the room, Dorothea was already taking her hand, pulling her over towards her seat.

“Bern! You have to tell me: how did you do it?”

For a moment Bernadetta tried to comb her brain for something she could have done that would make Dorothea ask that question but she came up short. So there was only one possibility.

“What? I- I didn’t do anything! Am I being framed? Are you trying to get a confession out of me?”

Dorothea held up her empty hands, at the very least proving that she was unarmed. Not that it meant much since she was a magic user.

“No no, Bern. No one is accusing you of anything. I’m asking about the ball. How did you manage to get Felix to dance with you? You guys were a little clumsy but very cute.”

“Oh.” Bernadetta sank into her seat as the mortifying reality of her memories took a hold of her. “Actually, that was because I had forgotten all my dance lessons and Felix was helping me. I was the one who stepped on his feet and everything.” Suddenly, a thought occurred to her and her head snapped up, staring at Dorothea with wide eyes. “Wait, how do you even know that? Did- did you see us?”

“Bern.” Suddenly, Dorothea seemed concerned, not a good sign. Actually, a very bad sign if anyone were to ask Bernadetta. “Promise me not to scream and run away? The truth is, some of us saw. And then, when you two suddenly vanished, well… we started thinking. And… maybe talking as well.”

Had the room always been spinning like this? The thought of people staring at them and then talking about them made Bernadetta feel like she didn’t have enough air in her lungs, no matter how much she sucked in. Only the comforting and grounding touch of Dorothea's hand of her shoulder pulled her back into the moment.

“Bern, please. It’s alright, okay? Nobody said anything bad. We all thought it was cute. Or, at least Ingrid and I thought so. I don’t think most of our classmates even noticed. Felix’ friends on the other hand definitely did. So if anyone is going to get teased for it, it’s him.” Dorothea gave her a reassuring smile and because it was Dorothea, it actually helped. Still, Bernadetta felt bad that Felix was going to get teased about the ball. After all, her ineptitude at dancing had been at fault for making their dance look clumsy and awful. Not that Dorothea had actually said it was awful but it was how Bernadetta imagined it.

Just then Edelgard entered the classroom. She made a very unexpected beeline for Dorothea’s and Bernadetta’s table, only stopping when she stood in front of her. Bernadetta clutched Dorothea’s arm out of fear. Had Edelgard come to scold her? Had she done something wrong?

“Bernadetta. Do you have a moment?”

“I- uh… what did I do this time? I swear it wasn’t me!”

Dorothea patted her shoulder while Edelgard sighed.

“You did nothing wrong. I will just say it right here then. Felix from the Blue Lion house is a capable fighter. However, he seems a little bit restless and like a lot of his potential is being wasted. It might be because he lacks a true challenge in his own house.”

“Uh, yeah I guess?” Why was Edelgard suddenly talking to her about Felix?

“Wait, Edie… are you telling me that you saw them too?” Edelgard only nodded and Dorothea laughed in a tone that could only be described as melodious. “Oh, they were absolutely adorable, weren’t they?”

Before Bernadetta could say anything, Edelgard continued. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is: if you were to recruit him to the Black Eagle house, you would have my full support. I’m sure that with our brisk pace he will find the challenge that he seeks.”

And then she was gone, off to talk to Hubert like she usually did before their lessons started.

Bernadetta meanwhile was trying to process what Edelgard had just told her. Oh, if only she hadn’t left her room today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you imagine having both house leaders being like "Hey, if you want to invite your sweetheart to our house, go for it!" ? The potential drama...


	3. Second Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter? For a fic that should already be finished? Stranger thins have happened. I was just inspired to write more for this particular storyline. This time we will look a bit into the future and see what Bernadetta and Felix are up to post time-skip.

“Hey Felix, do you have time right now? Can you come with me for a bit?”

Occurrences like these were nothing new. Bernadetta had made it a habit of pestering him whenever she had the chance. After confronting her, Felix had found out that she did so because she wanted to see him smile. A trivial reason, sure, but there was something endearing about it. Especially because it was Bernadetta, the same Bernadetta who used to scream and run away whenever he was near her back during their academy days. Well, at least until that fateful day they had danced together at the ball.

But there was no time to reminiscence. Bernadetta was waiting for an answer.

“Sure, I’ve got time.”

It was hard to imagine what Bernadetta saw in Felix’ smile, especially because her own smiles were a true spectacle to behold. Her face seemed much more tuned to troubled and fearful expressions but when she smiled, her eyes started to sparkle like silver and a healthy flush made her skin glow pink. He would never tell her that of course, didn’t even have the words to do the feelings justice that he felt whenever he got to see it.

She was flashing him one of those smiles right now as she took his hand and pulled him along. If he had to make a guess as to what she was about to show him this time, perhaps some cats again? It wasn’t hard to find cats at the monastery but Bernadetta seemed to favor gray or black and white ones. He wouldn’t mind, of course. He didn’t dislike cats.

Other than that, perhaps she was going to show him one of her paintings or a place with a nice view or a new plant she had discovered. Bernadetta always found something to show him and Felix didn’t mind. Not because he wanted to see these things but because spending time with Bernadetta felt comfortable.

What he hadn’t expected was for her to lead him to a somewhat secluded spot. It was near the cathedral but away from the main paths frequented by the priests. You had to make a turn and round a corner to find it. High walls surrounding it gave it an even more secretive flair but also obstructed the view below. There was nothing here that she could possibly show him.

Bernadetta let go of his hand, just to fiddle with her own hands as she stepped right in front of him. Maybe she didn’t want to show him something after all? Maybe she had just needed a quiet space to talk but then, either of their rooms seemed more convenient for that.

“I, uhm… there is something I wanted to tell you.” She sounded nervous all of a sudden and that slight healthy flush of hers had darkened to something akin to a red-cheeked apple. All of this was too obvious to be mistaken for anything else.

Bernadetta was about to confess her feelings to him.

Felix was definitely not prepared for this, even if Sylvain had told him time and time again how obviously head over heels Bernadetta was for him and that he should just make the first move himself. What a fool. Was he forgetting that they were in the middle of a war? Felix had not planned on saying anything until much much later, when it was certain they both would see the end of the war together and neither of them would be left heartbroken.

He hadn’t even considered the fact that Bernadetta might make the first move instead. Though, well, if that was how things were going to go then he would have to accept and go with it. After all, this would likely be his only chance, if he rejected her now she was not going to ask a second time.

Bernadetta looked like she was having trouble to start talking again so Felix decided to give her some encouragement. “What is it? I’m listening.” He would have tried to smile but there was a chance that it would come off as stiff, seeing how he himself felt a little nervous now. Instead, he just took care to soften his words as much as he could. It was so easy to scare Bernadetta off.

“Uh, you see…” Bernadetta’s brows drew together, forming a little crease between them as she tried to find the right words, or perhaps the courage to utter them. “I… do you remember the ball? When we were dancing? Back then I was so bad, Dorothea called us clumsy afterwards. And it was all because of me! So some time ago I decided to learn it properly. Dancing, I mean. Dorothea helped me a lot and I think I made enough progress to show you! So, will you… dance with me?”

Dancing? Really? That was it? What a complete letdown. Perhaps Felix should be glad, it did save him the awkwardness of having to admit his feelings before he was ready and prepared but even so, there was a part of him that was disappointed.

“You want to dance? Here?”

“Of course! Our rooms would be too small and no one ever comes here.” She flushed an even deeper shade of red if that was possible. “And also, dancing in front of others again, after last time… I can’t.”

That at least was understandable. Still, this wasn’t exactly a fitting location for a dance. And besides, who said that Felix wanted to dance? He had been glad that no other social events of this kind had been held since then. Then again, Bernadetta had practiced and overcome her fears, just so she could dance with him. It almost felt cruel to deny her now.

“We don’t even have music.” Of course dancing without music was possible, it just wasn’t the same, at least to Felix. Music was one of the few frivolous things he allowed himself to indulge in.

“Oh! Don’t worry about that. I have a melody in my head! I’ll just hum it and we can dance to it!”

Now that was quite intriguing. Felix had only had the pleasure of hearing her sing a select few times. Just like Annette, Bernadetta only sang when she thought she was alone but most of the time she merely hummed a little tune to herself. There was no way he could still say no.

“Alright, let’s do it.”

“Really?” Bernadetta’s face immediately lit up. “I promise I won't step on your foot anymore!”

Getting into position was easier this time. They both felt comfortable as they had spent a considerable amount of time close to each other. Bernadetta no longer gripped him as if her life depended on it and Felix, after discarding his thick gloves for now, merely felt the slight nervousness that came from touching someone he liked very much. That and, well, the way Bernadetta dressed had changed significantly during their years apart. Where before she had hid many of her features, now it was easy to let the gaze wander downwards just a little bit and get eyeful of the uncovered part of her chest. Not that Felix would ever do such a thing. He wasn’t Sylvain.

The fabric of her clothing was soft where he put his hand on her torso and her hand felt warm and comfortable in his. This close, it was easy to breathe in the scent that always lingered around her. Bernadetta smelled like her hobbies. Plants, paints, books. All of these scents felt familiar, almost comforting.

“Are you ready?” Bernadetta sounded so hopeful. She really wanted this. And if it made her happy, Felix would dance with her as much as she wanted. He nodded.

Bernadetta started humming and then they started to dance. Many things that had happened during their time at the academy were only a hazy blur by now. He didn’t remember how many times he had been at the training hall or what he had eaten each day. He did remember the ball however. Somehow, for some reason, it had etched itself into his memory. He could still see Bernadetta’s frightened face from back then and he could still recall how difficult it had been to dance with her at first.

What a stark contrast to now. She matched his movements perfectly and with a grace he hadn’t known she possessed, at least not when it came to dancing. It was almost as if she was leading him now and he was struggling to keep up. Though it didn’t seem like she minded, if her smile was any indication.

“Guess I will have to practice again, too, as not to fall behind.”

“Oh!” Her humming paused so she could answer him. “Does that mean you want to dance with me again?”

“...we’ll see.”

Bernadetta giggled. “Oh Felix, no need to be shy!”

“Shut up, I’m not shy! Concentrate on the dance!” Really, what was it with Bernadetta and always making fun of him? Calling him a nut, a ghost, and now shy of all things. He wasn’t. He really wasn’t. He merely had not decided yet if he wanted to dance with her again.

Bernadetta merely giggled some more until she finally resumed her humming. It was a nice little tune that accompanied their movements. Again, he was reminded of the ball and how, at some point, the ball had vanished from his mind and all that had mattered was Bernadetta. He had not harbored feelings for her at that point in time but perhaps it had been one of the moments that had planted the seed.

Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t need to wait. Misunderstanding Bernadetta’s earlier intentions had in turn planted another seed within him. The urge to let her know. If only he could keep her safe, if only he was strong enough to do that, then they would see the end of the war together and they would be able to… well, marry perhaps, if she was so inclined. That was, if she truly reciprocated his affection. At the very least, it would prove to her that he in fact was not shy.

The moment was perfect, really. Somewhat romantic, although he was a poor judge of such things. Maybe he didn’t even have to use his words. Actions spoke much louder, anyway.

He slowed down and so did Bernadetta until they stood still. Maybe, just maybe, his pulse was picking up speed and maybe, just maybe, there was an uncomfortable warmth crawling up his face.

“Felix?” Bernadetta was confused but she would understand soon enough because he was leaning in, closer and closer. When she blushed and her mouth opened with a small gasp, he knew that she understood now. All he had to do now was bridge the gap and-

“Felix? Are you- oh.”

That voice. That accursed voice belonging to the one person Felix wanted to see the least right now. Dorothea finding them would have been fine, Ingrid finding them would have been fine, even Sylvain with all his teasing would have been endurable. But not his old man.

As expected, Bernadetta jumped back and out of his grasp faster than he could follow, letting out a mortified squeak.

“Ah! It’s not what it looks like! I’m so sorry, sir! Please don’t kill me!” And there she went, sprinting away, leaving both Felix and his father in the dust. In the distance, it sounded like she was still screaming apologies and other unintelligible things. His father stared after her, visibly perplexed, and Felix sighed.

“Thanks, old man. That was precisely what I needed right now.”

“I had no idea that you were”–he cleared his throat–“busy.” He turned back around and when his eyes were on Felix, the heavy and awkward atmosphere could be cut with a blade. Felix merely crossed his arms, waiting for his father to speak up first.

“Tell me, was that-”

“Not one word about this. Just get on with it and tell me why you’re here.”

As if he was about to tell his old man about Bernadetta. If he had had his way, his father would be the very last person to find out. Not that there was much use still denying it. But perhaps he could steer him away from asking too many questions about it.

He only hoped that his father hadn’t spooked Bernadetta too much.  
  


* * *

  
“You are Bernadetta von Varley, I presume? It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

The voice behind her kicked Bernadetta’s defensive instincts into overdrive. She whirled around with a high pitched shriek to face her assailant head on, or at least to find out if a tactical retreat was required.

It turned out the person behind her was none other than Felix’ father, duke Fraldarius. She should have known that this day would come. She should have made her peace and written a will.

“Oh no, have you come to kill me?! For being near your son? I knew it! Bernie’s days are over!”

Duke Fraldarius was silent for a moment and there was a frown on his face. Was he considering in what way he was going to kill her? Oh please, let it be quick!

“I’m not quite sure what gave you the impression but I assure you that I do not plan on harming you.”

Bernadetta took a deep breath. She had gone over this a thousand times before hadn’t she? She needed to listen to people before jumping to conclusions. But when faced with someone as important and stern as the infamous Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius, it was near impossible.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… well I befriended your son and that’s how my father would react to something like that.”

“Ah, the minister of religion in the Empire, am I correct? I never had the pleasure of meeting him in person. If you are his only daughter it’s no wonder he would react in this way. But that is not what this is about. Despite my duties taking up most of my time, I would like to speak to you for a little bit. Get to know you.”

Now it was Bernadetta’s turn to frown. “Wait, me? But why would you want to talk to Bernie? Uhm, your grace.”

“You already gave me the answer yourself. You and my son are close. I never had the chance to find out what sorts of bonds Felix had forged during his academy days. And please, call me Rodrigue.”

This was all very strange. Felix had not only befriended her, he had many friends in fact. Why would his father seek to speak with her specifically? Was he trying to threaten her after all and this was a trick to get her to relax? The only way to find out was to go along with it for now. So when Rodrigue asked her to accompany him on a walk while they spoke, Bernadetta merely nodded.

There were walking through the gardens, which was where Bernadetta had wanted to go in the first place to sketch a few plants. That would have to wait for now however.

“First of all, let me thank you for being there for my son. I know he isn’t always easy to get along with.”

Was that really something you should say about your own son? Bernadetta kind of doubted it, even if Rodrigue wasn’t completely wrong. Still, that wasn’t the whole picture.

“Felix is actually really nice, once you get to know him. He has a hard shell but there is so much good stuff inside. And he cares so much about the people that are important to him.”

There was a smile on Rodrigue’s face as he nodded at her. “That confirms my suspicions. I wasn’t quite sure just how close the two of you really are but he isn’t anything like Slyvain. I look forward to welcoming you into our family.”

Wait, welcoming her? “Huh? What does that mean?”

“Of course we will have to defeat the Empire and reclaim our Kingdom first. But once that is done, I hope the two of you do intend to marry.”

Those words reached Bernadetta like a punch in the gut. She sputtered and her cheeks were probably glowing by now. “That’s not- we’re not- we’re just friends!”

“Oh.” Rodrigue made a thoughtful face as they kept walking. “Have misinterpreted the scene I stumbled upon?”

Oh right, that. Merely thinking about that moment was mortifying. Bernadetta would never be able to live that down.

“Uhm, Rodrigue? Can I ask you a question too?” Maybe, just maybe, that would shift the focus to a less embarrassing topic.

“Of course, go ahead.”

“It’s just, I’m from the Empire. Shouldn’t you be more, I don’t know, suspicious? For all you know, I could be a spy! I wouldn’t trust myself if I weren’t me.”

They stopped for now. Rodrigue looked over the slowly regrowing grass as if it could give him an answer, then back at Bernadetta.

“There are a lot of things I cannot be sure of and a lot of times I must expect the worst. Such is the role I have. But if there is one thing I do not doubt it’s that the trust of my son doesn’t come easily. He doesn’t even trust me and I’m his father. Neither does he trust the prince, even though we are sworn to follow his path. You managed to earn his trust and so you have mine as well.”

Knowing that was somehow comforting. She knew that there were those who didn’t trust anyone from the Empire, Dimitri himself included though he had never accused her specifically of anything. Felix on the other hand had never doubted that her being here with the others meant her allegiance was with them.

“You know, you’re kind of… different than what I expected. Felix talked about you a few times.” And the things he had said sure hadn’t been flattering. But Rodrigue didn’t seem like a bad person, far from it. Bernadetta didn’t know what to think.

Rodrigue heaved a deep sight. “Whatever it is that he said about me, it isn’t without reason. Our relationship has been strained for almost a decade now. And whenever I try to close the distance between me and my son, he steps further away from me.”

Somehow, they kept talking. Rodrigue told Bernadetta about how Felix used to be when he had been younger. It was barely believable, seeing how Felix was nowadays, but hearing that Felix' current demeanor was much like that of his late brother Glenn put it all into perspective. In exchange Bernadetta told him the story of how Felix and her had become friends. By the end of her tale, Rodrigue let out a hearty laugh.

“And he truly danced with you just to get away from the ball? That does sound like him.”

“Yeah and afterwards Edelgard actually told me to recruit Felix to the Black Eagles. I ended up transferring to his house though.” As it turned out, that had been the right decision.

“I’m glad to know that Felix’ academy days had been filled with just as much chaos and mischief as my own. He never talked about it much, understandable given the situation we have been in for the last few years. I must return to my duties now. I thank you for indulging me for a little while. And, Bernadetta?”

“Uh, yes?”

“If you do end up fancying my son, know that I will support your union, no matter what anyone else may say. My son was never keen on marriage. If someone as devoted to him as you can sway his mind, that is all I can hope for.”

Rodrigue excused himself and left Bernadetta lost in her own thoughts. Thoughts that revolved around a certain swordsman.  
  


* * *

  
A few days later, Bernadetta had almost forgotten about the incident when she visited Felix’ room in order to give him another book recommendation. Before she could leave again, Felix stopped her.

“Hey, wait. What was my old man talking to you about?”

Oh no. Of course Felix knew about it. Of course. There was no way that no one had seen them and that news hadn’t spread to Felix by now. Guilt resided deep within Bernadetta’s chest. She shouldn’t have spilled the beans about Felix like this or listened to childhood stories about him. And yet, she had not been able to resist. Who wouldn’t want to know that Felix had been a sweet and sensitive boy during childhood? It only strengthened the image she had of him. That he was a man with a hard shell and a somewhat soft center. A center that she cared for very much.

“Uh, he said he wanted to get to know me and asked some questions.” Because he had thought that her and Felix were in a relationship but that was too embarrassing to mention.

“Oh for the love of the goddess, don’t tell me he gave us his blessing for marriage.”

Immediately it felt like Bernadetta’s entire face was set aflame. She could only stammer some unintelligible word fragments at first. “That- I- he- y-yes. He did. But I told him that things aren’t like that between us!”

Felix looked at her. “Why did you do that?”

“Because, I mean, should I have lied to him?” That statement completely perplexed Bernadetta. Unless, of course, he had something like an arranged marriage going on and needed an alibi. But Rodrigue had mentioned that Felix had been very against marrying. None of this made any sense.

Felix sighed and there was frustration rolling off him and something else that Bernadetta couldn’t quite place. “Of course not. But now, when we do get together, I will actually have to break the news to my old man.”

“When we do… huh?” Something was buzzing inside Bernadetta’s brain, as if someone had zapped her directly with a Thoron. Perhaps it had been Felix, after all it was one of his spells. There she stood by the door, feeling completely out of the loop while Felix sat by his desk and stared at her as if she had grown a second head.

“Bernadetta.”

“Yes?” She screeched the word as if he had caught her stealing cake from the from the dining hall.

Felix sighed again and no longer looked in her direction. Instead he leaned back in his chair. “That time when we were dancing, did you… not realize that I was trying to kiss you?”

Oh. Oh.

She had, in fact, realized but forgotten all about it. The moment afterwards had just been so mortifying and she had been deathly afraid of Rodrigue’s anger. Not that Rodrigue had actually been angry. Still, the almost-kiss had slipped Bernadetta’s mind.

“So… does that mean you…?”

“What else would it mean? I don’t go around kissing just anyone. More importantly,” Felix turned his head just enough to be able to look at her out of the corner of his eye. “What’s your answer?”

Well, this was definitely not how she had imagined a confession of love towards her to go. Then again, that simply wouldn’t have been Felix. And if there was one thing that she loved about Felix, it was that he was always himself.

The truth was, she had thought that she didn’t have much of a chance with him, despite Dorothea’s reassurances. She was Bernie, after all. Useless, unmarriageable Bernie. And yet, there was Felix, who wanted to marry or at least be with her.

“It’s…” there was only one little bit of unfinished business that needed to be resolved first. “I want you to finish what you started, then I can tell you my answer.”

“Really? Now?” Despite the annoyed tone in his voice, Felix stood up from his chair. It didn’t take long for him to reach Bernadetta. These rooms were small, more fit for students than adults like them who had outgrown them.

Felix’ hand reached for Bernadetta’s cheek, a gentle gesture. It was apparent how much he tried not to be rough. And thankfully, this time there was no one here to stop them.

The first kiss was short, unsure. The second was longer, experimental. It was the third that made Bernadetta’s toes curl in her shoes. When they had both tested the waters and were ready just to feel it. Felix' lips were just a little dry in some spots but still soft and Bernadetta already imagined how soft they would be once she forced her lip balm on him. If he still wanted to kiss her after this.

They broke apart and it was now that Bernadetta saw that she hadn’t been the only one that had gotten flustered over all this. The blush suited Felix well.

“So?”

Bernadetta smiled. “My answer is yes!” She didn’t let him say anything else before she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I'm not exactly sure how in-character this whole thing is(perhaps not very), I was just too enamored by the idea of Rodrige finding Felix with what he suspects is his girlfriend and then talking to said girlfriend to find out about some things his son wouldn't usually talk about. And of course to give his blessing for marriage.
> 
> I do actually have an idea for another chapter but we will see if I get enough inspiration to write it. For now I will leave it like this. Thank you all for reading!


	4. No Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little sad but it's also hopeful, I think. Just a quick warning, there are mentions of a canonical character death. You can probably guess who.

Felix had barely come out of his room for days now. It was very much not like him and yet, it was understandable given the current circumstances. The battle at Gronder Field had given many people a bitter taste in their mouth.

Rodrigue’s death left behind a vacant space. Until now, he had been a vital part of the war effort and with him gone, it was difficult to fill the gap. That, however, was not why people mourned. Many had known him personally, had looked up to him or held a deep respect for him.

Bernadetta had only talked to him a few times and only during the short time he had been at the monastery. Yet even she could feel his absence, the hole he had left. There had been a burial, albeit not the final one. They wanted to give him a proper one after the war. For now, Rodrigue rested here and would hopefully watch over them until they managed to reclaim Faerghus and defeat the Empire.

During the ceremony, Felix had been silent, the expression on his face unreadable. Bernadetta had no doubt that the death of his father had hurt him. Yet no one, not even her, so much as spoke a word about it. He didn’t seek the company of his friends after and none of them had made a move to seek out his.

“Felix isn’t the type to seek comfort. He deals with such things by himself,” Ingrid had said. “I think it started after Glenn’s death, when his relationship with his father became strained. I was in a very bad place myself so I can’t say too much about it. Felix had been a very sensitive and emotional boy before the tragedy… and then he just changed. He didn’t cry anymore and he withdrew more and more until he became the Felix you know today. I think a trace of that sensitive boy still resides within him but he guards it like a mother hen. We are all mourning for Rodrigue but he was still Felix’s father. Despite how he always acts, I think it hit him the hardest.”

“Felix will be right as rain soon enough,” Sylvain had said. “We all have our ways to cope with tragic things happening to us. Felix likes to keep himself busy and he looks forward rather than back. Just give him a few days and he will be back at the training grounds, swinging his sword like the madman we know him as.”

Despite the reassurances of two of Felix’s oldest friends, Bernadetta didn’t feel good about just leaving Felix alone and waiting for him to get better on his own. She had stood there right next to him during the burial, wanting to say something but the words just wouldn’t come. Nothing she could have said felt like enough and in the end, she had given up on it. Afterwards, until this very moment, she had barely even seen Felix.

That was why, right now, she was standing in front of his room. She could feel her heart hammering against her ribcage and going all the way up to her neck. She still had no idea what to say to him but at the very least, she wanted to offer her company. She loved him, after all. Knowing in how much pain he was made her chest clench. If she could offer him anything, even just her presence, then she would do it.

Taking a deep breath and steeling her resolve, she finally knocked on the door. “It’s me, can I come in?” She figured she would have to let him know it was her and not Sylvain or professor Byleth.

There was a moment of silence that stretched until Bernadetta was about to leave, when she finally heard a faint “suit yourself.”

She opened the door and slipped inside, the present she had gotten for Felix pressed tightly against her body. Not a good idea since the item in question had spikes that easily penetrated the fabric of her clothing to prick her skin. The pain was forgotten when she saw Felix.

He looked tired, like hadn’t been sleeping or perhaps he had been crying. Not that Bernadetta could even imagine Felix ever crying, despite several people telling her how much he had cried in his childhood.

He was sitting on his bed, cleaning his sword and didn’t stop even when Bernadetta closed the door behind her to awkwardly shuffle closer. He didn’t look up at her, eyes still directed towards his sword, although it didn’t look like he was staring at it as much as through it. His hand moved as if he was just going through the motion to have something to do.

“I know why you’re here. You don’t have to bother, I’m fine.” The frown on his face deepened. “Or rather, I will be fine. Soon.”

Oh no, this was already going bad. “I- I can leave again if you would rather be alone. I mean, if anyone understands hiding in one’s room and wanting to be alone, it has to be me.” Really, what had she been thinking? That she of all people could ease Felix’s pain? When he didn’t even want to be around anyone?

“No, it’s fine. I-” He finally looked up from his task, his eyes narrowing when he noticed the item Bernadetta held. “What’s that?”

“Oh this?” She lifted it up. “That’s a potted plant! A cactus. Your room is always so barren, so I thought maybe a plant will liven it up. Don’t worry about watering it, these guys don’t need much. They grow in the desert.”

Felix took a moment to regard the cactus, perhaps deciding if he wanted it or not. “For a plant from the desert it looks rather fleshy. Doesn’t it dry out?”

“Oh, the fleshy part is actually the reason it survives! That’s where it stores its water. And because that makes it a tasty snack for all kinds of hungry and thirsty desert critters, it developed spikes to protect itself! Be careful, they are sharp.”

“Hm. It’s a good plant. It knows how to defend itself. Put it on the windowsill.”

Bernadetta couldn’t help but smile when she heard him say that. Just as he had told her, she carefully placed the cactus on the windowsill to let it have as much sunlight as possible. Now Felix finally wasn’t all alone in his room anymore, he had a little friend! One that was just as outwardly prickly as he was. She had chosen the right present after all.

When she turned back around, Felix had already put the sword away. It was resting against the foot of the bed. Felix himself gave her a rather inquisitive look.

“Do you… want to sit down? You can have my chair. Or sit next to me, I guess.”

Felix’s anger was like an icy wind flaring up at a moment’s notice. It could bite harshly and couldn’t be overlooked. Felix’ sadness was different. When it didn’t translate into anger, it seemed like it was subtler, harder to see. But there was a shift in Felix’s demeanor, there was no doubt about it.

Bernadetta sat down next to him. After a moment of hesitation, she placed her hand on his. He didn’t take it but he also didn’t shake her off. She took that as a sign that it was alright.

“You might think I’m hiding in here because I’m mourning my father’s death. In truth, I’m hiding in here so I don’t have to listen to people talk about him. No one has learned anything, they still treat death as if it’s a good thing. As if a sacrifice like this can ever be anything but unnecessary. They say things like how he didn’t die in vain and how, at the very least, Dimitri has come back to his senses. What a joke it all is!”

Bernadetta couldn’t help but frown at that. This was a delicate situation, talking with Felix about this subject. There was no telling what would make Felix angry and she really didn’t want to make him angry. Still, there was one question she just had to ask.

“Do you resent Dimitri? Because your father died protecting him?”

Felix buried his free hand in his hair and sighed. It seemed like he was frustrated, though if it was because of Bernadetta asking this question or because of his feelings on the matter, she couldn’t say.

“I resent Dimitri for how careless he treated his own life these past few months. Always fighting as if it was to be his last battle. Not taking care of himself. Leading us all on a death march towards the empire just so he could scream and rage at Edelgard. And then he was about to throw his life away for some random girl whose brother he had killed. I resent him for all of that.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “But. I don’t resent him for still being alive. Whether it was his death or my father’s, neither option would have been acceptable.”

Dimitri and Felix had been friends, once upon a time. Bernadetta knew as much. This was proof that Felix still cared about Dimitri, even if he had not ever spared one good word about him as long as Bernadetta knew him.

Felix’s eyes were unfocused as he stared ahead. Bernadetta squeezed his hand reassuringly, or at least she hoped that was how he would take it. He had already talked much more about this than she would have expected from him. She wouldn’t push further but she would keep listening if he wanted to continue.

“There is a worrying thought. This isn’t the first time someone in my family died so Dimitri could live. First my brother, now my father. How long until it’s my turn? How long until it’s expected of me to die for him?”

That made Bernadetta let go of his hand. Instead, she hooked her arm around his, pressing her body close. The mere thought gave her a cold shudder that ran down her spine, and not in a good way. No matter what, she didn’t want to lose Felix. She couldn’t.

He only shot her a short glance but didn’t move otherwise. “The worst part is, even if I don’t want to do it, even if I don’t want to die for him, I know that if such a situation came to pass, I would. And I would have no one to blame but myself for being too weak to protect him and survive. ...if that happens, I need you to do something for me.”

Now that was a surprise. What could she possibly do for him when he was dead? Was he about to tell her she would have to take revenge? Impossible! If there was someone strong enough to kill Felix, then there was no chance someone like her could kill them.

Instead of just glancing at her, Felix had turned his head and was now directly looking at her. Bernadetta swallowed and waited for whatever horrible thing she was supposed to do in case of his death.

“Don’t let anyone talk about me like they do about my father or Glenn. Don’t let them twist me into something I never was. If they do, set them straight. You can do that, can’t you?”

Well. That was at least better than a vendetta against an invincible foe. Still a horrifying thought. “I, uh, maybe? It’s just… I hope you won’t die at all so I won’t have to do that.”

“Hmp. I’m not planning on dying. I’ll be back at the training grounds tomorrow. As I said, I’m fine.”

Something about his words still sounded wrong. He couldn’t be completely fine already. But as always, he was pushing himself. It was both admirable and worrying.

“You know, Felix? You are one of the strongest people I know. No matter what, you always press on, you always look forward. You’re like this… unstoppable force. When everyone else is still in a slump, you are already looking ahead.” She stared at her own lap, a little afraid of looking Felix in the eye directly. “But you know, you don’t always have to be strong. Especially not right now. It’s okay to be sad and to admit those feelings. Being strong all the time will just burn you out in the end.”

As Bernadetta kept speaking, her confidence in what she said grew. Yes, that was what she had been meaning to tell Felix from the start and finally, she had the words to do so. She looked up at him again and he waited silently for her to finish. “I think healing and moving on is like taking care of a potted plant. If you put it in a dark corner, it will die. Sometimes it has to see the sun. And sometimes you have to water it with your tears.”

Bernadetta wasn’t quite sure what reaction to expect from Felix but she certainly hadn’t expected for him to put his arms around her in a sudden hug. She could no longer see him but she could feel his chin resting on her shoulder. It only took her a moment before she hugged him back.

“Thank you, Bernadetta.” Felix’ voice was so very soft now, it made Bernadetta’s heart clench with sadness and care. “I don’t think I can cry, even if I wanted to. The tears dried up years ago, right after Glenn’s death. Still, your words, they were… enlightening. Just- stay like this. Please? Just for a little while.”

She hugged him even tighter. “Of course. As long as you want.”  
  


* * *

  
The next day, Felix was at the training grounds, just like he had said he would be. Bernadetta wasn’t usually here all that early but she made an exception to check on him.

Curiously enough, he wasn’t training his sword skills like usual. Instead, he was busy putting up the special targets used for magical practice. If one tried to hit a normal training dummy with a fire or lightning spell, they would burn down to nothing but ashes. That was why mages trained with specialized metal dummies made from sturdy armor pieces, designed to withstand heat, electricity, ice, and sharp winds.

“Good morning, Felix! Are you doing some magic training today?”

He nodded. “I am.” Once the dummies had their designated spot, he walked a few steps away. Bernadetta had seen him use magic on the battlefield a few times but she had never seen him use it at the training grounds. It was a highly theoretical skill that required calculations and focus. Most of the time, you would learn about magic from books, rather than physically train it. Still, even the most studious mages would stop by the training grounds occasionally for some target practice.

Felix got into position. Mortal Savant magic was always fascinating to watch and Bernadetta found herself unable to tear her eyes away. Felix’s arms moved backwards in a wide circle while a spell wheel appeared in front of him. He put his hands together and gathered magic inside them. Suddenly, as if on a silent cue, he stepped forward, thrusting his arms towards the target and releasing the built up energy. Terrifying bolts of lightning struck each of the metal dummies in short succession. Bernadetta, in awe at the display, clapped.

“Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be training, too?” Oh right, Felix didn’t like being watched. Quickly she hid her hands behind her back as if she hadn’t just given him a hearty round of applause.

“Oh! Me? Uhm, right. I just wanted to see if you would be here like you said you would.”

“As you can see, I’m here.”

At the very least, Felix was back to being his old self. Bernadetta couldn’t help but smile at that. “You are! I was just wondering because you’re not training with your sword today.”

Felix’s posture changed. Where before he had been in a wide stance, legs as far apart as possible, he was now standing straight as a rod. He lifted his hand in front of his chest and stretched out his index and middle finger. A smaller bolt of lightning appeared, this time only hitting the middle dummy.

“If I only concentrate on my swordplay without ever exploring other options, I will end up hitting a wall. I didn’t know that when I was younger but I do now.”

That did make sense. Bernadetta herself had picked up the lance as well as riding with the encouragement of professor Byleth. Thanks to that, she had been able to pass the Bow Knight exam not too long ago. But magic was a whole different set of skills. One she had never dabbled in too much.

“You’re really amazing, Felix. No matter what you do, you always seem to excel. You’re good with a bow, too, right? And even brawling. I can’t even imagine trying to fight bandits with just my fists.”

Felix scoffed and walked backwards until he had a sufficient distance from the dummies. “Get out of the way before a stray spark hits you.” It was the only warning he gave before he initiated another spell, unleashing the might of thoron onto the poor unsuspecting targets.

That was another problem with training magic. For weapons they had special training versions that didn’t pose the risk of unintentionally injuring or killing a sparring partner. No such safety measurement existed for magic.

Lucky for Bernadetta, she was fast enough to dodge out of the way before any of those sparks could reach her.

“I enjoy hunting. That’s why I know how to use a bow. And in a fight, it’s useful to be able to improvise, whether it is with a makeshift weapon or your hands and feet. In a battle it doesn’t matter how you win, just that you do.”

Bernadetta was well aware. By now, she had seen her fair share of battles and when she did partake, she knew what she had to do. It was tragic, taking lives, but she was doing it for her friends and their future. Still, Felix utilizing all of these skills that were at his disposal was amazing in her eyes. She didn’t know anyone else who was quite this versatile.

“You know, I’m a little envious that you can do all these things. Especially the magic. I tried to take a class once but all I managed to do was shoot some ice cubes. Everyone laughed and I ran out to go hide in my room. I haven’t tried it since.”

Felix chuckled and Bernadetta pouted at him, though not for long. It was amazing to see him laugh and smile at all when yesterday he had been in such a dark place. If that meant she had to let him laugh at her expense, she would endure. Just this once.

Felix stopped his magic training for now. He took a few more steps to sit down on the ground, leaning against a pillar at the edge of the training grounds. A short hand motion invited Bernadetta to join him. She didn’t need to be asked twice, even if the ground was dusty and she was probably going to have dirty shorts after. She sat down right next to Felix, happy whenever she got to be close to him.

“Want to know a secret? I’m only telling you because it’s you.”

“A secret? Of course! What is it?”

Felix didn’t look at her. It was a habit of his that she understood quite well. Looking at someone directly while talking to them meant that you had to fear seeing their reaction while you were still speaking. A mortifying thought. Though she couldn’t quite imagine that someone like Felix could be scared of that. Maybe it was another reason for him.

“When I was a child, my old man had the foolish idea to try and teach me magic. He was of the opinion that, despite my desire to continue my sword training, I might be more fit for a supportive role. My brother always excelled at everything he did. Compared to that, I lagged behind, simply because my learning curve wasn’t as steep as his.”

Bernadetta listened with bated breath. It was so rare for Felix to talk about his childhood like this. She already knew a few things thanks to conversations with Felix’s friends and Rodrigue but this was different. It felt intimate.

“I’m not exaggerating when I say it turned out disastrous. I was crap at it and almost set myself on fire a few times. My father gave up and I never tried again. Until my time at the academy. It turns out, I was only bad at it because I didn’t know what spells suited me. When I found out that thunder magic was the right fit, the rest was easy. What I’m saying is: don’t decide that you’re bad at something before you’ve put in some actual work. And also, I’m not some kind of prodigy, I just worked hard to get where I am now.”

“So you think I could try again if I wanted?” The thought was terrifying but somehow also exciting.

“You could. You might be good at it and don’t know it because you didn’t give yourself the chance to find out.”

Felix was certainly not someone who encouraged people often. But when he did, it was special and felt genuine. Perhaps trying magic again wouldn’t be so bad? Especially since she had friends who could help her with it, Felix himself included.

“I’m considering picking up faith magic.” The look in Felix’s eyes was distant, as if he added these words as an afterthought directed more at himself than at Bernadetta. “Say what you will about my father, his faith magic was a sight to behold. I don’t think I will ever reach his level but that is not why I want to learn. Being able to heal an injured ally while the healers are too far away might mean the difference between life and death.”

Despite always looking for a challenge, Bernadetta knew by now that Felix’s main motivation was growing stronger so he could protect those important to him. She leaned closer, placing a small kiss on his cheek before she rested her head on his shoulder. It was comfortable like this, even if the training grounds weren’t exactly the most comfortable place to sit together. Perhaps next time they could instead choose a bench in the garden area.

“You know, if you don’t want to hear about it, you can stop me but… Rodrigue talked to me a few times before- you know. He never had much time because of all the stuff he had to do but he was always really nice to me and told me about Fraldarius and Fhirdiad. And you. Once he told me that he is very proud of you. That he thinks you will make a fine head of house Fraldarius one day. And I’m sure if he could see you now, he would be proud as well.”

Felix’s arm found its way around her, almost nonchalant in the way it pulled her closer. It had taken them a bit to get such a comfortable stage but now such moments were Bernadetta’s favorite.

“You don’t know that. No one knows what the dead feel because they’re dead. I will succeed my father because I’m the only one left who can. But if that’s the role I have to play I’ll make sure to do it properly. You will be by my side, won’t you?”

Suddenly, her face felt a lot warmer than before. “Of course, always.”

Next to her, she could feel Felix shifting. “We shouldn’t dally here for too long. The others could arrive at any minute and I want to get some more training done.”

As if on cue, the door to the training grounds opened and a voice that was very familiar to both Bernadetta and Felix could be heard.

“Oh wow, you two. At the training grounds? Really? Not even I have the guts to do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think everyone can guess who that voice belonged to without me pointing it out. (Felix threatened him afterwards and he swore that he was just joking, sheesh!)
> 
> This chapter was really interesting to write. I wanted on one hand to make Felix as much... Felix as possible but on the other hand show that he is comfortable around Bernadetta. Comfortable enough to be a little softer, a little more open.
> 
> And also there is Bernadetta who wants to be there for him but is unsure if she is overstepping a line since everyone tells her to just leave Felix alone.
> 
> Not to forget, I really love how the skills characters are good and bad at are always interwoven with their characters. Felix likes hunting, so he can quickly learn the bow. He also talks about using your hands and feet to fight, so he can quickly learn brawling. That's the kind of stuff i really love thinking about.
> 
> I think I've got one more chapter in me and then this bad boy is done. Thanks so much for everyone who reads, comments and leaves kudos!


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